We Crack Like That

So I decided to write a story in pidgin (Nigerian pidgin English). I’m terrible at speaking pidgin by the way…

No be everybody wey suppose dey waka for streets. Me sef, na God save me. Na small tin remain, I for no survive for this place. Me wey be fine boy, talented. I just dey here dey waste, dey scrape one kain life, dey sleep under bridge. From grace to grass. I never ready to yarn una my story sha.

Meanwhile, e get this girl. Her name na Oroma. Dat no fit be her real name but the girl yellow like orange wey don too ripe on top tree. Dat kind thick yellow… abi na orange. Na the fruit wey dey make us call the colour “Orange” abi na the colour wey dey make us call the fruit “orange”? Wetin you think?

So, this Oroma girl, her bodi sef stiff like orange tree. (I don too talk orange. Maybe na because I dey chop am now as I dey yarn you.) I dey wonder how she dey take give all these area boys with her bodi like back of tree. I hear say if you just give am like #500, she go give you somtin. I hear say she dey sell okrika for market. E be like say na wetin she dey take the moni do be dat. I no get #500 to waste on top olosho but today, I go see am. I get job for am.

***********************************

“Baby baby, how far na?”

“Hmm. Ali, this one wey you call me so, you get somtin for me?” If you see as she dey take chop chewing gum ehnn…my hand just dey scratch me to slap am. With im bleached orange and yellow face.

“Ehn, I get work for you.”

“Hian! Work ke?!”

“Na simple tin.” I come tell am wetin e go do for me. You see, this kind job dey very controversial (abi na confidential), so I no fit tell even you wetin e be. For you to know how the job take be, even Oroma no know the full details but she no know say she no know the full details. Sha, she gree say make I pay am later. I dey give am like 10 times wetin boys dey give for im services. I no talk say I no get moni, I talk say I no get money for olosho. This moni still dey come sha.

***********************************

Ah. Night don reach. E be like say I crash for Kodo stand. Kodo na plumber but you no need that information. As I dey stand from the bench where I bin crash, na im person flash torch for my face. Even as sleep still dey my eye.

“Who be dat?! Abi you don tear craze?!!”

Before I fit say another tin, person just tear me correct slap for ear. I swear, e reach the other side, the sleep disappear. As my ears dey ring like say Sele dey ring that their bell for inside my head, na so dem start to beat me. Na every part of my bodi dem wan break. Wallahi, I no fit take my mouth describe am. But, omo if dem beat you until you no fit shout again, then na die be dat o.

“Leave am!” Wetin dey again to leave? But that na Kodo voice. If e no come rescue me then…

No be Ali dey tell this story again o, na Kodo. This idiot bin send Oroma to carry my Gravel.
“Ali, I bin tell you say make you deliver my 24-7 for me. You no gree. So you don dey plan to go carry am behind my back so I no go get share for my own tin abi?” The idiot no fit even talk as im face don swell finish. I no even know where im nose dey again. “Make I just tell you. Oroma dey bottom of lagoon and you go join am soon.”
***********************************
THE END

**Okrika – 2nd hand clothing
**Olosho – prostitute
**Gravel – crack
**24-7 – crack

Photo: Lamudi

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